Rest Day Strikes Again!

I am starting to notice a trend. When I set aside a day specifically for rest, Satan attacks. He attacks in ways I never imagined! God in His lovingkindness is always there when we turn to Him

Let me set the stage. My husband, whom I love and cherish and rely on as a partner in all things, has been working CRAZY hours! We really are a team and balance each other in the home and parenting. The past two weeks have been super busy for him at work meaning that he has worked less than a 12 hour day twice in the last two weeks. It also means he is home for less than an hour of our children's awake time pretty much every weekday. God has been so good in reminding me that His power is made perfect in my weakness and His grace is sufficient to carry me through each day (see previous post). Yesterday, apparently, I decided to let that fly out the window. By about 3 in the afternoon, when my daughter wanted  to play outside again and my son took what get like the shortest nap ever, my anxiety hit an all time high. Nothing happened during the day that should have sent it skyrocketing this way and it hasn't been like this in YEARS! In high school I dealt with depression and anxiety. Nothing that required a diagnosis or treatment, but that caused me to miss a lot of school with unexplained stomach aches until we discovered what the problem was and that those were a symptom of adolescent depression and anxiety. As I matured in my relationship with the Lord, recognized my perfectionist tendencies and got out of high school, my struggles with anxiety and depression have started to seem like a distant memory. Yesterday though, man did it hit hard. All I wanted was to take a nap and hide in my kids' tent the rest of the day. I forgot yesterday afternoon, despite all of the reminders God has given me over the last week, that His grace is sufficient. 

So, last night Kid #2 was in bed by the time my hubby got home and he got #1 to bed after they visited while he had dinner. He could see my stress and anxiety and sent me to take a bath and go to bed. I was so exhausted that I don't even remember falling asleep at least an hour and a half before I normally do. I was praying that God would help me remember to turn to Him tomorrow

In God's grace my son only woke up once last night (as opposed to the normal 3-4 times) and my daughter slept in her bed all night with no bad dreams. This morning when my son woke up and was cuddling and taking his bottle I opened to Matthew (what I am studying this semester at church) to read, not study, just read. In God's ever present goodness He didn't make me go far. 4 verses into the chapter I was reading  about Jesus being tempted in the wilderness (man, does that feel like where I have been this week) He replies to Satan about FOOD (my eating was way off yesterday throughout the afternoon and evening when my anxiety hit) that "Man does not live by bread alone but by the word of God". This is nothing new! I know this! I memorized this verse over and over again growing up. But, yesterday in the midst of trial, I didn't turn to the Bread of Life, I tried to do t on my own and fell flat on my face. This morning I started where I need to, in the Word, and am posting this verse on my fridge front and center so that when every temptation hits (food, anxiety, and everything else that will get thrown in with the day, I will turn to the Word of the Lord, hidden in my heart and written on the pages to do battle. This is the Lord's day, not mine.

Sufficient Grace

Today is the rest day in this program. I will most likely adjust in the coming weeks for Sunday to be my rest day, but I knew after yesterday that my body desperately needed the rest TODAY! God used today to remind me of the importance of rest.

I can get so caught up in the busyness of life that I feel like I can't rest and know I don't often get enough rest. But isn't that simply the fate of being mommy, especially to a little one that likes to wake up multiple times a night? I don't think so. Have you ever met someone that just oozes PEACE? I know I have. Even when everything is hectic, they have an aura of calm around them. One thing I do know about those people I have come across that exhibit that characteristic is that they are grounded in Christ. I know that there have been times in my life that I have been more like that and it is when I am fully relying on God, not myself. We so often have to fall to our knees and say, "I can't do it anymore" in order to find that complete reliance on God. Too often we think we can do it all, we don't need (read WANT) any help. I know I can know I need help, but I don't want to ask for it or appear to be weak, so I push on in my own power.

Today was one of those days where that smacked me in the face. This week I have been getting up earlier in order to get my workout and some Bible study time in before the kids really get going in the day. If I don't, everything happens in 5 or 10 minute increments and I feel I actually accomplished anything. So my goal was to get up early today and get some things done this morning in the time I usually workout since it is the scheduled rest day for my program.  I woke up with a crazy sore throat, a little girl that had to go to preschool with a big hangout with a bounce house (her FAVORITE) afterward and a little man that has been determined to push every boundary (and open EVERY cabinet). So, I decided to sleep a little longer. Man, did I need it. But more importantly when I recognized and acknowledged that I just couldn't do it all today I became more focused on the grace that God was giving me throughout the day.

I really hate the concept that God won't give you more than you can handle. I think He absolutely will. But, He will never give you something more than He can handle. He wants us to rely fully on Him. It is in our weakness that His strength and grace are more visible. I saw His grace through my weakness today and I hope that I can shine a light on Him and His strength and grace through my weakness. Today, I recognized and acknowledged the gift of rest, both in my kids and in myself. My son napped well, TWICE today. My daughter, who hasn't really napped more than a handful of times in over a year and half, too a nap. My grandparents invited us to dinner and came over before hand to hang with the kids and I. This was huge many times over. Before dinner is the hardest time for my son, I didn't have to make dinner, and my husband ended up being almost 2 hours late coming home from work. Had I been on my own at home, I would have been pulling my hair out by the time he got home. My mom called and wants to take my daughter on some errands and to lunch tomorrow. My trip to UPS went smoothly. Both of my kids went to bed well. I was able to soak in the bath. I had a super encouraging meeting with my Beachbody sisters. A friend is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel in a tough situation and we were able to praise God for orchestrating it all. That slight shift in perspective was exactly what I needed today. I needed to remember and meditate on the Word.

If you are a believer, I hope that this is an encouragement to you to see how God is giving you grace, peace and rest. If you don't believe, I hope this will encourage you to learn more about the true giver of rest.

Returning Home

Have you ever had that moment where you hear a quote or a verse and wonder what the context is? One of my favorite verses and the verse that we dedicated our daughter with is one of those verses that is great on its own, but takes on a whole new meaning when you read it in context. 

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." 

Wow! It is just so powerful! The problem I have is that people use it to mean that they will get rich and have a great future. We use the word prosper in our materialistic terms and forget that God's view of prosperous is quite different than ours. 

If you continue reading the next few verses, it gives a much better perspective of what that verse means. 

Jeremiah 29:12-14 "Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

In verse 14, the Lord says He would bring back the His people from where he had banished them. He sent them to the places they wanted to return from. These verses are referring to the captivity of the Israelites after they had lost sight of following the Lord and been caught up in the world. They were distracted by the things around them and the Lord would allow them to be conquered and taken into captivity. They then repented and the Lord restored them to their lands. 

We can experience the same thing as followers of Christ. We can be caught up with the world and lose sight of Christ. When we run into hard times it is the opportunity to refocus on seeking Christ with our whole heart. We don't like to think that God may have brought us to a point of exile or allowed us to temporarily fall captive to the world. He promises that if we seek Him with everything, we will find Him and He will bring us back.

I know that it can take the hardest moments of our lives when we feel the farthest from God to help us realize that we need to seek Him with fervor and passion. That search will lead to Him and the hope and future He has planned specifically for us. 

Family? Family!

Psalm 63:3-4

Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips will praise You. So I will bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. 

Isn't it amazing how tragedy can both bring a family together and highlight our own weaknesses as we deal with it? No family is perfect and will never live up to our expectations in every way. We are created with a longing for family and belonging that only Christ can fill when we accept it. He can heal relationships and bring peace to chaotic situations. His lovingkindness truly is better than life. We can rest assured of His love. When we surrender and let ourselves be embraced by His lovingkindness, we will want to lift our hands in praise of the only one that can truly provide that love. 

I have been reading a great book by Jack Frost (not the poet) called "Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship". It is the basis for the church-wide Bible Study my church will be doing starting on February 10th called Journey Home. So often we hold onto the hurts of our childhood and allow bitterness to dominate our relationships. We need to focus on allowing Christ in and accepting our position in His family. 

End of a journey, but beginning of Eternity

Wow... I am on my way to see my grandpa for the last time. His hospice nurse has said he won't make it to Monday. After receiving the diagnosis that his cancer was terminal, the uncertainty about the state of his heart and the pain that it causes my dad have been at the forefront of my mind. As we prepared for this trip, I was struggling to find people to cover my position at church on Sunday and put out a blanket ask to the nursery volunteers. God provided people to cover all of the needed positions. Our departure time (via car) was pushed up after a call from my uncle informed us that he had taken a turn for the worst. However, with that also came the news that when praying with my uncle (a pastor) my grandpa acknowledged Christ and accepted His forgiveness. Wow! Such an answer to prayer. :) God has also orchestrated the timing so that my dad and his siblings will all be together at my grandparents house this weekend.

The verses of Romans 8, specifically 26-39, offer so much hope! In verse 26, it says that we don't know how to pray as we should, "but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words". We have someone asking for what we need even if we don't know ourselves. Not only that, but God has chosen us,justified us and has a plan for us (v. 28-30). Not only that, but "If God is for us, who is against us?" (v 31) Then, in verse 35, Paul asks, "Who will separate us from the love of Christ?" Finally, in verses 37-39 he says, "but in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loves us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels,nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of god, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." It is just so powerful! It doesn't matter when or where, but when we have accepted the love of Christ and allowed ourselves to be justified through His love, nothing, NOTHING, can separate us from the love of Christ and His good and perfect plan.

While I am sad that we will loose my grandpa, nothing can take away the joy that he has accepted Christ and I will see him on the other side of eternity. That offer is available to all of us regardless of how hurt, broken or damaged we are. Through the grace of Christ we can experience joy for eternity!

Labor of Love

I realized in my last post I reference my stubborn daughter's arrival into this world. Whenever I think about Jeremiah 29:11, I think of our sweet Abby. This is the verse that my husband and I chose for her at her dedication. It gives me the confidence that God has greater plan for her than I could ever imagine. It won't be without strife or pain, but it will also be full of hope and joy. Without that confidence, I don't know how well I would handle parenthood. I am sure I would be a mess of worry and anxiety.

As for the stubborn part, my dear, sweet daughter took her sweet time in joining us. I went into the doctor for my 39 week check up and started what would become a very long week. Throughout my pregnancy, my blood pressure was slightly high but would go down with just a few minutes of sitting in the room. I was also experiencing some swelling in my feet and ankles, which they were watching, but attributed to the fact that I was teaching and coaching. For this appointment at 8am on a Thursday morning, I saw a different doctor in the practice than those that I had been seeing. She was immediately concerned with my blood pressure and swelling and sent me to labor and delivery for testing to determine if I had preeclampsia. I called into work and let them know that I wouldn't be in that day or the next as some of the test required 24 hours at home. They got the test results at some point that evening, but the doctor didn't come back in until Monday morning. So, I was told to take it easy and that if I experienced any of a list of symptoms to come in immediately. If not call the doctor at 8am on Monday. I made the call and was told to come in to be induced right away. After a final meeting to find out the details of my maternity leave, a long story by itself, I went in for my induction.

Apparently October is a busy month for babies and Josh and I spent about 5 hours waiting for me to get into a room. At that point the doctors were changing shifts and I had to wait for a new doctor to come up with a plan of action. Beginning that evening, I began the ever so long process of being induced. The first night was medication for dilation. Tuesday was 8 hours of Pitocin followed by a procedure to further assist in dilation. Wednesday arrived with more Pitocin. Wednesday evening my doctor came on shift (thank God!) and decided that I was far enough along to break my water. Starting at about 5pm I went into real, hard labor and at 6am, October 27th my sweet little girl finally made her appearance.

As soon as we told my grandparents that I was pregnant and due Oct 30th, my grandpa was sure that I would have the baby on his birthday, Oct 27. As my pregnancy progressed, we decided that we didn't want to know the gender of the baby. However, my grandpa was sure that I would have a little girl on his birthday. He even had a countdown going based on his birthday. When I went in on that Monday to be induced, we didn't think it would be possible for my grandpa to get his wish. Little did we know that God and our little girl were in cahoots and gave him a great birthday present. This year, he turned 70 as she turned 1 and having her around gave him more joy that reaching his 70th despite several health crises in which we could have lost him.

Throughout it all, God again reinforced that He has a perfect plan that is so much more than we could ever imagine!

Where am I going?

Jeremiah 29:11-14 - "'For I know the plans that I have for you' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon ME and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the LORD, 'and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nation sand from all the places where I have driven you,' declares the LORD, 'and I will bring you back to the place form where I sent you into exile.'"

Lately, I have spent a lot of time thinking about the will of God and what that means. These verses in Jeremiah are so powerful to me. I feel like I have a new understanding of the peace and joy that come out of following Christ with your whole heart and soul and being in the place that He wants for you. I love teaching, but I know that isn't where I am supposed to be right now. The turmoil I felt prior to leaving my teaching position made it clear to me that God wanted something more from me. For the last few months that I was teaching (after returning to maternity leave) I continued to give my heart to my students, but there was an unsettled feeling and I didn't know exactly where God was leading. (See my "Second Try" post for more about that time.) Little did I know what God had in store. 

Through God's call, I interviewed for a job at my church running the nursery. After taking on the position, so many areas of my life fell into place. First, I had been struggling with finding ways to advance the kingdom in a position where I had to be very delicate in bringing up Christ. Working in ministry gives me the opportunity to interact with others and openly share my faith and what God has done in my life. Second, I have a great forever friend. She was at the hospital for about the last 20 hours of my labor and entertained my family that was very tiredly awaiting the birth of our stubborn little girl. However, we don't live close to one another and our schedule are often conflicting making it hard to see each other. Since finishing college and getting married, I have desperately needed more strong women of faith in my life. I have been blessed with some along the way, but have found so many more in my coworkers and those that I interact with on a regular basis now. We are living life together. It is amazing what a blessing that can be. Additionally, I have found that despite regularly reading my Bible, I have grown rusty on my theology as compared to when I was attending a Christian school and using it regularly. I am brushing off the dust and rust because I am using all of that knowledge more regularly and beyond just my own study. And the added bonus, I dropped all my baby weight plus some with the removal of stress and being able to fully embrace and find peace in where Christ has placed me. 

These verses struck me so significantly because as I wrestled through these tough decisions and made some choices that meant I get funny looks because I chose God's plan, my faith and family, over my career, I always knew that God had a plan and was with me through it all. I can't even imagine the despair of going through a tough time without that peace and comfort. In Jeremiah, God told those that were in exile that He sent them their and would bring them back. If they called on Him and sought Him out with heart and soul, they would find Him and He will listen. We may not always know the plans, but when Christ calls and we follow, with the confidence that He has a plan for us, we are never without HOPE.