Family? Family!

Psalm 63:3-4

Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips will praise You. So I will bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. 

Isn't it amazing how tragedy can both bring a family together and highlight our own weaknesses as we deal with it? No family is perfect and will never live up to our expectations in every way. We are created with a longing for family and belonging that only Christ can fill when we accept it. He can heal relationships and bring peace to chaotic situations. His lovingkindness truly is better than life. We can rest assured of His love. When we surrender and let ourselves be embraced by His lovingkindness, we will want to lift our hands in praise of the only one that can truly provide that love. 

I have been reading a great book by Jack Frost (not the poet) called "Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship". It is the basis for the church-wide Bible Study my church will be doing starting on February 10th called Journey Home. So often we hold onto the hurts of our childhood and allow bitterness to dominate our relationships. We need to focus on allowing Christ in and accepting our position in His family. 

End of a journey, but beginning of Eternity

Wow... I am on my way to see my grandpa for the last time. His hospice nurse has said he won't make it to Monday. After receiving the diagnosis that his cancer was terminal, the uncertainty about the state of his heart and the pain that it causes my dad have been at the forefront of my mind. As we prepared for this trip, I was struggling to find people to cover my position at church on Sunday and put out a blanket ask to the nursery volunteers. God provided people to cover all of the needed positions. Our departure time (via car) was pushed up after a call from my uncle informed us that he had taken a turn for the worst. However, with that also came the news that when praying with my uncle (a pastor) my grandpa acknowledged Christ and accepted His forgiveness. Wow! Such an answer to prayer. :) God has also orchestrated the timing so that my dad and his siblings will all be together at my grandparents house this weekend.

The verses of Romans 8, specifically 26-39, offer so much hope! In verse 26, it says that we don't know how to pray as we should, "but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words". We have someone asking for what we need even if we don't know ourselves. Not only that, but God has chosen us,justified us and has a plan for us (v. 28-30). Not only that, but "If God is for us, who is against us?" (v 31) Then, in verse 35, Paul asks, "Who will separate us from the love of Christ?" Finally, in verses 37-39 he says, "but in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loves us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels,nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of god, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." It is just so powerful! It doesn't matter when or where, but when we have accepted the love of Christ and allowed ourselves to be justified through His love, nothing, NOTHING, can separate us from the love of Christ and His good and perfect plan.

While I am sad that we will loose my grandpa, nothing can take away the joy that he has accepted Christ and I will see him on the other side of eternity. That offer is available to all of us regardless of how hurt, broken or damaged we are. Through the grace of Christ we can experience joy for eternity!

Labor of Love

I realized in my last post I reference my stubborn daughter's arrival into this world. Whenever I think about Jeremiah 29:11, I think of our sweet Abby. This is the verse that my husband and I chose for her at her dedication. It gives me the confidence that God has greater plan for her than I could ever imagine. It won't be without strife or pain, but it will also be full of hope and joy. Without that confidence, I don't know how well I would handle parenthood. I am sure I would be a mess of worry and anxiety.

As for the stubborn part, my dear, sweet daughter took her sweet time in joining us. I went into the doctor for my 39 week check up and started what would become a very long week. Throughout my pregnancy, my blood pressure was slightly high but would go down with just a few minutes of sitting in the room. I was also experiencing some swelling in my feet and ankles, which they were watching, but attributed to the fact that I was teaching and coaching. For this appointment at 8am on a Thursday morning, I saw a different doctor in the practice than those that I had been seeing. She was immediately concerned with my blood pressure and swelling and sent me to labor and delivery for testing to determine if I had preeclampsia. I called into work and let them know that I wouldn't be in that day or the next as some of the test required 24 hours at home. They got the test results at some point that evening, but the doctor didn't come back in until Monday morning. So, I was told to take it easy and that if I experienced any of a list of symptoms to come in immediately. If not call the doctor at 8am on Monday. I made the call and was told to come in to be induced right away. After a final meeting to find out the details of my maternity leave, a long story by itself, I went in for my induction.

Apparently October is a busy month for babies and Josh and I spent about 5 hours waiting for me to get into a room. At that point the doctors were changing shifts and I had to wait for a new doctor to come up with a plan of action. Beginning that evening, I began the ever so long process of being induced. The first night was medication for dilation. Tuesday was 8 hours of Pitocin followed by a procedure to further assist in dilation. Wednesday arrived with more Pitocin. Wednesday evening my doctor came on shift (thank God!) and decided that I was far enough along to break my water. Starting at about 5pm I went into real, hard labor and at 6am, October 27th my sweet little girl finally made her appearance.

As soon as we told my grandparents that I was pregnant and due Oct 30th, my grandpa was sure that I would have the baby on his birthday, Oct 27. As my pregnancy progressed, we decided that we didn't want to know the gender of the baby. However, my grandpa was sure that I would have a little girl on his birthday. He even had a countdown going based on his birthday. When I went in on that Monday to be induced, we didn't think it would be possible for my grandpa to get his wish. Little did we know that God and our little girl were in cahoots and gave him a great birthday present. This year, he turned 70 as she turned 1 and having her around gave him more joy that reaching his 70th despite several health crises in which we could have lost him.

Throughout it all, God again reinforced that He has a perfect plan that is so much more than we could ever imagine!

Where am I going?

Jeremiah 29:11-14 - "'For I know the plans that I have for you' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon ME and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the LORD, 'and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nation sand from all the places where I have driven you,' declares the LORD, 'and I will bring you back to the place form where I sent you into exile.'"

Lately, I have spent a lot of time thinking about the will of God and what that means. These verses in Jeremiah are so powerful to me. I feel like I have a new understanding of the peace and joy that come out of following Christ with your whole heart and soul and being in the place that He wants for you. I love teaching, but I know that isn't where I am supposed to be right now. The turmoil I felt prior to leaving my teaching position made it clear to me that God wanted something more from me. For the last few months that I was teaching (after returning to maternity leave) I continued to give my heart to my students, but there was an unsettled feeling and I didn't know exactly where God was leading. (See my "Second Try" post for more about that time.) Little did I know what God had in store. 

Through God's call, I interviewed for a job at my church running the nursery. After taking on the position, so many areas of my life fell into place. First, I had been struggling with finding ways to advance the kingdom in a position where I had to be very delicate in bringing up Christ. Working in ministry gives me the opportunity to interact with others and openly share my faith and what God has done in my life. Second, I have a great forever friend. She was at the hospital for about the last 20 hours of my labor and entertained my family that was very tiredly awaiting the birth of our stubborn little girl. However, we don't live close to one another and our schedule are often conflicting making it hard to see each other. Since finishing college and getting married, I have desperately needed more strong women of faith in my life. I have been blessed with some along the way, but have found so many more in my coworkers and those that I interact with on a regular basis now. We are living life together. It is amazing what a blessing that can be. Additionally, I have found that despite regularly reading my Bible, I have grown rusty on my theology as compared to when I was attending a Christian school and using it regularly. I am brushing off the dust and rust because I am using all of that knowledge more regularly and beyond just my own study. And the added bonus, I dropped all my baby weight plus some with the removal of stress and being able to fully embrace and find peace in where Christ has placed me. 

These verses struck me so significantly because as I wrestled through these tough decisions and made some choices that meant I get funny looks because I chose God's plan, my faith and family, over my career, I always knew that God had a plan and was with me through it all. I can't even imagine the despair of going through a tough time without that peace and comfort. In Jeremiah, God told those that were in exile that He sent them their and would bring them back. If they called on Him and sought Him out with heart and soul, they would find Him and He will listen. We may not always know the plans, but when Christ calls and we follow, with the confidence that He has a plan for us, we are never without HOPE. 

Guilty as charged...

Uh oh...

Each and every one of us has a past. I know I sure do. There are parts of my life that make me so glad that we have a God of forgiveness  If we are honest with ourselves and God we can admit our sins and be granted forgiveness. 1 John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

For most of us, however, the story doesn't end there. We are often plagued by guilt and just waiting to be sentenced and punished. We limit God and deny the forgiveness He has offered us. It can't be more clear than in Psalm 103. David says, "He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us" (v 9-12). Jesus paid the ultimate price in sacrificing His life for us. We are undermining what He has done when we don't accept the forgiveness that God is offering us. By His sacrifice we are redeemed and it is as if our sins never happened. 

I know that way too often I allow Satan to use guilt and deprive me of the peace that comes from the forgiveness that Christ has provided for me. However, I am committed not to let the evil one succeed. I will not allow guilt to keep me from pursuing the full life that Christ has in store for me. He will not limit my efforts to further the kingdom of God. 

Peace in the Chaos

So, this is the first post in my renewed effort to keep a blog. Here it goes...

Sunday morning I got up expecting a semi-busy day at church. I run the nursery at my church and we were expecting some large numbers as January is typically a high attendance month. As we were prepping for a large number of kids, sickness meant that our team of seven was taken down by two. Ever aware of Satan's attempts to derail our efforts to expand the kingdom, I went into defense mode. Using the armor of God (Eph 6:10-18), I found a verse in which to claim as my own for the day.

Romans 16:20 "The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you." 

I have found that when we acknowledge the fact that Satan has a plan of attack and commit to following Christ regardless of what may be thrown at us we can take peace in the fact that our God is strong and mighty. He will defend us and give us peace. Now, that doesn't mean there wasn't any chaos or busyness during the day. We didn't have a huge influx of kids, but we did have a lot of new families. God in His great wisdom also gave us new volunteers or volunteers going the extra mile to impact the lives of others. However, in what could have otherwise been chaos, God granted us peace and we were able to crush Satan under our feet as we impacted the world for Christ. But, it came down to the choice to trust in Christ and follow Him.

Skip forward to this morning and the verse of the day in my You Version app...

Colossians 3:15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hears, since as members of one body you were called to peace and be thankful.

I am so thankful for the awesome body of Christ that I am a part of. When they heard that Sunday would be hectic, many lifted up our crew of staff and volunteers in prayer. So, I want to thank all of those that held us up in prayer and those that stepped in to help us out.  I also want to thank our Lord for being faithful to us and granting us His peace that transcends understanding (Phil 4:7)

Second Try...

My oh my... It has been a while since I have posted anything on this blog. I began it while on my maternity leaving last year. I felt a strong pull that I needed to leave my teaching career and that God was leading me to some unknown destination that would include taking a more active role in advancing His kingdom through ministry. At the time, I had no idea what that meant. I simply took each step as I felt He was calling me to. Without any promise of income other than substitute teaching, my husband and I decided that I would leave my teaching job. This wasn't without discussion and much contemplation. I mean, I love teaching and having an impact on the lives of students. BUT, I love my family more and felt the need to be more available to them than my job was allowing me to be. During this time of decision making God kept planting a verse in front of me. It comes from Ester 4. It is part of a discussion between Ester and Mordecai. Ester is reluctant to ask the king to save her people. Mordecai points out in the second half of verse 14, "And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" (Ester 4:14b NIV). While I wasn't in a "royal" position, I was in a position to impact kids lives. It made me realize that if I continued to chase after Christ, He would be putting me in positions in which I could make an impact for Him. Although I dreaded returning from my maternity leave and leaving my baby girl each day, I quickly found that God put me in my position for the essential purpose of impacting kids. I had some students struggling with some major life issues that I was able to support in ways I never imagined.

While teaching and coaching, finding time to write a blog was not one of my priorities. Then, the changes and adjustments to being a mom first, grad student and starting a new job (running the nursery at my church) left little time to do anything else. As this new year has begun, I have decided to renew my efforts in blogging. I have a goal of posting about once a week, but who knows what God has in store. All I know is that I want to continue walking in His loving kindness because there is no better place to be!